she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize