Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
