HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
