Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
