I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
