We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
