I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
