the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
