my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
