Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
