Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
