I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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