the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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