So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
