CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
