Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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