I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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