Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
