she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
