Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize