i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
