4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
