Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
