R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
