Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
