I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
