she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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