I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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