its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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