i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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