I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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