You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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