ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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