Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
