I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
