at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
