tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
