I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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