watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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