It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
