DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
porn star boner night. come get it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
