Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
