I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
