he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
