Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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