I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
