my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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