I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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