it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
