It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
