Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I want is dick and wine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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