Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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