My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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