And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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