So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The Olympian is in my bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize