I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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