I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ketchup is God's man juice
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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