You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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