Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
