My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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