i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
