NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
