Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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