Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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