Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
