Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm like, not good at living.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
