Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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