I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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