dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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