In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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