i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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