Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
