I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
