i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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