What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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