Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha

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(540): View more from Virginia

This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.

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(727): View more from Florida

She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life

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(775): View more from Nevada

No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?

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(806): View more from Texas

Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....

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(760): View more from California

Dude what happened last night?

(732): View more from New Jersey

I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.

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