i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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