You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
