Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
