to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
