My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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