The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
